


I'm Calling Out For You

by RavenclawWitch18



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on 1:30 a.m. conversations, Based on a Tumblr Post, Cuddling, Happy Ending, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 06:01:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7672834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenclawWitch18/pseuds/RavenclawWitch18
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Twice Bucky called out for Steve while he was being tortured by Hydra. Both times he got an unexpected answer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A List of Reasons

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GlitchTheRoboticShadow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlitchTheRoboticShadow/gifts).



> This is my first Stucky story. And my first time posting angst, which I am not the best at writing. Based off a conversation at 1:30 a.m. with glitchtheroboticshadow that started with a post she re-blogged. My mind took it and immediately ran with it. She encouraged me to write it and post it and has been helping me with pieces of it. This first chapter takes place before Steve rescues Bucky from Zola's Lab.

Azzano, Italy

Bucky Barnes had a long list of reasons to be glad that Steve was not allowed to go to war. And those were all from before he himself had enlisted and been shipped off to fight. After that, he had another long list of reasons to add to the first.

When Bucky was captured along with the rest of the 107th, he added another reason to his list of why he was glad that Steve was not here. Steve would never have marched along quietly under the Hydra soldiers’ orders. He would have argued and fought back against them. When they were put to work building weapons and machines for Hydra, Bucky added another reason to his list. Steve could have never handled the long hours or the heavy work. He had enough issues completing the easy painting or accounting jobs that he was hired to do. Bucky was glad Steve was at home. It made it a lot easier to obey the Hydra soldiers knowing that his best guy was safe at home.

When Bucky came down sick from all the hard work he was doing, his first thought was of Steve. How many times had he sat with Steve as the blonde fought through another bout of pneumonia? Too many to count. And after all those times, he had never once come down with it. The other men tried to keep the Hydra soldiers from realizing that Bucky was sick but it only worked for so long. Eventually they figured it out and Bucky was dragged off to the isolation ward.

He added another reason to his list. If Steve had been here, it would have been him that suffered this fate. Still, it didn’t stop him from crying out when he was experimented on. Bucky had no idea what sort of drugs he was injected with, but they caused him to have hallucinations. The most frequent one was Steve standing there, watching him.

“Steve. Steve, please. Help me.” Bucky begged.

Normally, it was Bucky who helped Steve. Steve was always getting himself into scrapes. The only times when a day had passed without Steve getting himself into some sort of trouble were when he was sick. However, there were times when Bucky had gotten himself into trouble without Steve being around or the reason he was in trouble in the first place. During those times, Steve always found him and helped him get out of whatever trouble he was in. This time though, Steve couldn’t do anything to help.

Bucky had no concept of time passing. The only indicator he had in the ward was the coming and goings of Zola.

“How are you today, Sargent?” Zola asked in his oily voice.

“Sargent James Buchannan Barnes. 32557083.” James answered.

It was the only thing he said when Zola was there. He wouldn’t give the man the satisfaction of anything else. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Steve nodding in approval.

Zola said nothing. Just poked and prodded at Bucky with various instruments before injecting something into his arm. Then he left. That was how most of his visits went. With the exception of the first few. Those were the worst.

Sometime after Zola left, fire began burning in Bucky’s veins. He twisted and writhed as much as he could in the unforgiving restraints that held him on the cold, metal table. When he opened his eyes, he could see Steve standing by the wall.

“Steve. Steve, please. Help me. It burns, Steve. Please.” Bucky begged. 

Steve did nothing. He said nothing. He just stood there and watched.

Bucky fought against his restraints as much as he could but it was all in vain. When he opened his eyes, Steve wasn’t there. He was never there and for that, Bucky was glad. Steve needed to stay at home, where he was safe. That thought was the only thing that allowed Bucky to survive.

Still, when the flames burned through his veins, he cried out for Steve.

“Steve, please. Make it stop.” Bucky whimpered.

“Someone’s coming Buck.” Steve said.

It was the only thing he said. To warn Bucky when someone was coming.

“Sargent James Buchannan Barnes. 32557083.” Bucky said obediently.

Steve always knew what was best.

“Buck. Buck, it’s me.” Steve said.

Bucky blinked as he focused on the blurry form of his best friend. Steve had changed. He was no longer the skinny kid that was just keeping Bucky company and warning him when someone was coming. He was bigger now. He had muscles. And he was wearing what appeared to be the American flag. Bucky was slowly realizing that this was not another hallucination. He would never imagine Steve wearing the flag.  
Steve broke the restraints that held Bucky to the table and helped him sit up.

“I thought you were dead.” He said.

There were times Bucky had thought so too. But he had a more pressing question.

“I thought you were smaller.”

The building rumbled around them and Steve slung one of Bucky’s arms around his shoulder.

“What happened to you?” Bucky asked, still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that his best friend was here. After all those times of wishing that Steve was here with him, the punk was actually here.

“I joined the army.” Steve answered.

“Is it permanent?”

“So far.”

Bucky tried to wrap his mind around that and the fact that Steve was actually here as he followed his friend through the Hydra base and out into the woods.


	2. Waiting For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the second chapter of the story. This one takes place after Bucky has fallen from the train.

When Bucky woke to find himself in a cell after his fall from the train, he wasn’t worried. Actually, he was worried. He knew that Hydra had him again and he was downright terrified of them and what they might do to him. But he was the best friend of Captain America. And he knew that Steve would come for him.

Alright, so it might be a while before Steve actually came. Bucky had no idea how long it had been since he had fallen from the train but he had the sense that it hadn’t been too long. So it would take time for Steve to come for him.

Steve would have had to finish out their mission first. Then after he had delivered Zola back to the Allies he would start to plan how to rescue Bucky. First Steve would go back to the ravine that Bucky had fallen into. It was only logical. Steve would have no way of knowing that Bucky wasn’t still there. Once Steve knew, he would probably assume that Hydra had somehow gotten ahold of him. He might go back to Zola and demand answers. Since Zola most likely wouldn’t know exactly where Bucky was, it would take time for Steve to go through each of the locations. Or he might get lucky and find Bucky in the first place he raided. Either way, it would be a while before he was rescued.

But he would be rescued. Steve had rescued him once before. He had taken on an entire Hydra base by himself. This time he had the Howling Commandos behind him as well as the might of the Allied Forces.

Having resigned himself to wait, Bucky took stock of his injuries. He had more bruises than a person should be able to have on their body. More than Steve had had after a day of doing nothing but fighting in back alleys. He had the mother of all migraines. And his left arm was broken. At least he thought it was. He couldn’t exactly feel anything below his elbow. But his upper arm hurt like a bitch.

He could vaguely remember smacking it against the side of the cliff several times as he fell. So it wouldn’t surprise him if it was broken.

Bucky was surprised when a door that had been previously hidden in the wall slid open. Two armed men walked in. Bucky recognized their uniform as that belonging to Hydra goons. So he had been right. It was Hydra that had him.

The two men each took one of his arms and dragged him out of the room. Bucky tried to resist but they were stronger than him and there wasn’t much he could do with his left arm broken.

The goons dragged him into a brightly lit room and strapped him down to a metal table. Bucky had to fight not to panic at that. He had many memories of being strapped to a metal table and only one of them was good. 

Men dressed in lab coats swarmed around him. They were talking in Russian but Bucky could only make out a few words. The words he did understand gave him the impression that they were talking about his arm. He turned out to be right when one of the scientists undid the straps holding his left arm down and fastened one that went across his chest. A minute later, another scientist approached him with a saw. Bucky began to fear what was coming next.

Sure enough, the scientist put the saw to his shoulder. The first dragging motion of the saw over his skin had Bucky biting his lip to keep from crying out. It was futile. The saw continued to cut through his skin, muscles and bone. Within minutes Bucky was screaming.

“Steve! Steve please. Help me. It hurts, Stevie. Please!”

It didn’t matter. Steve didn’t come.

The doctors removed Bucky’s entire left arm. Afterwards, they bandaged up his shoulder to prevent him from bleeding out.

Bucky wished they hadn’t.

After it was all over, the Hydra goons dragged him back to his cell and dropped him on the floor. Bucky made no attempt to move. He was in too much pain.

Two days later, the goons were back. Bucky didn’t resist when they dragged him out again.

They took him to the same lab as last time and strapped him back to the table. He got the chest strap again since he didn’t have a left arm to strap down.

The scientists approached him with a bunch of metal pieces. Slowly, one by one, the attached the metal pieces to his shoulder in the same place where his arm had connected to the rest of his body.

It hurt like hell and despite his best efforts, Bucky cried out for Steve.

The process was long. The metal pieces turned out to form a metal ring. The ring was an attachment point for a metal arm. Surprisingly it hurt more to have the arm attached than it did the ring. Once the arm was on, the doctors knocked Bucky out. When he woke up hours later back in his cell, Bucky was surprised to find that he had full control over the arm. It was a small consolation.

On the floor of his cell was a piece of paper. Bucky picked it up. It was the front page of the New York Times. The headline article was about Steve and how he had apparently crashed a plane into the artic.  
Bucky read the entire article before crushing it in his metal fist. It was a lie. Steve was not dead. He was alive and would be coming to rescue Bucky soon. Even if this article had actually been printed, it was only so that Hydra would think Steve was dead and wouldn’t be prepared for an angry super soldier to break down their door.

Bucky knew how the Allied forces worked. There had been a few times when they had let it leak that they were going to be in this city and had even sent some troops there to make it look like they were telling the truth. Meanwhile, the Howling Commandos had been in a different city quietly taking out another Hydra base. By the time the Red Skull had gotten word of it, the Commandos were in the first city with the rest of the Allied soldiers.

“Steve, please. Where are you?” Bucky whispered.

It wasn’t even twenty-four hours later when the goons were back. This time, Bucky tried to fight. He managed to knock one of them out before the other one got him with some sort of electric weapon that shocked him. Bucky dropped to the floor, convulsing. The goon dragged him from his cell back to the lab. This time there was a chair waiting for him. He was strapped down, including his left arm. Bucky tried to flex it only to find the strap completely unyielding. Two metal plates with little prongs clamped themselves down on his head.

Bucky waited nervously for whatever torture they had concocted to begin.

He didn’t have long to wait.

Electricity surged into his brain, shocking him. Memories were brought unbidden to the front of his mind. Most of them involved Steve. As Bucky watched, his body was filled with pain until the memories began to fade.

Bucky panicked. He couldn’t find the memories after they faded. To anyone else, they were insignificant. Simple memories that involved the two of them having dinner at one of their houses. But to Bucky, they were important. All of his memories involving Steve were important.

“No, Steve, please. Come back.” Bucky begged.

Hours later, Bucky was taken back to his cell. He collapsed on the floor and immediately began searching his mind for the memories that had faded. There were still there, but faint. Bucky found that he couldn’t remember many of the details that made up the memory. Little things like the taste of the meal or way Steve smiled at him.

As the days passed, Buck was taken back to the chair every single day. Again and again memories were brought to the front of his mind and then faded away. The ones with Steve were the first to go. Bucky spent the time he wasn’t strapped into the chair taking his memories of Steve and hiding them away in the back of his mind. It seemed to work. After a while, memories of Steve stopped coming forward.

Bucky wasn’t sure how long it had been since he had first woken in his cell but he had the vague impression that it had been a few months.

“Steve please.” He whispered one night. “I’m not sure how much more of this I can take.”

It wasn’t long after that that Bucky realized that he didn’t have very many memories left. Most of the ones he did have were the ones that he had locked away.

As he collapsed on the floor of his cell after yet another session with the chair, Bucky finally realized that Steve wasn’t coming for him. That the newspaper article Hydra had left in his cell was true.

Steve was dead.

It was the only explanation for why he hadn’t come for Bucky yet. Nothing else would stop him.

With that realization, Bucky also realized that he had nothing left to fight for. Steve was dead. The only person in the world who had ever truly mattered to him was dead. There was no reason to fight.

When the Hydra goons next came for him, Bucky didn’t resist. He had taken what few memories he had left and locked them away with the others.

When he was strapped into the chair, no memories were brought forth.

When the head scientist looked him in the eyes, he was met with a blank stare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just the epilogue left. I would love to know what you are thinking of this story.


	3. I'm Here Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, the epilogue. This is where the happy ending comes into play.

Avengers Tower

“STEVE!” Buck screamed as he jolted awake.

He had been dreaming about when he had been Hydra’s prisoner the second time. They had just strapped him to the chair and were starting to take his memories from him. Memories of Steve.

Next to Bucky, Steve started awake. Before Bucky had time to begin to process where he was, Steve had pulled him into his arms.

Bucky panicked. The tight grip across his chest reminded him of the strap that Hydra had used on him before they had given him the metal arm. He fought against it. He couldn’t let them strap him down to the table. If they did, he would be powerless to fight them. Bad things happened when he was powerless.

Bucky had no idea how long he had been fighting when soft words penetrated his mind.

“Bucky, you’re safe. You’re in our room, in the Avengers Tower. The date is Wednesday, June 4, 2014. The time is 3:25 a.m.”

Bucky slowly stopped fighting. He opened his eyes and was met with the familiar sight of Steve’s bedroom.

“Steve?” Bucky asked softly.

“Yeah Buck. It’s me.” Steve answered.

Bucky sighed as he closed his eyes again. His breathing and heartrate slowly returned to normal. Steve didn’t say anything. He just held Bucky close, letting his presence soothe away the last of the nightmare.

Internally, Bucky once again warred with himself over whether or not to tell Steve about his nightmares. The blonde had never once pressed Bucky to tell him. The very first time Bucky had woken them with his nightmares, Steve had asked if Bucky wanted to tell him about them. When Bucky answered no, Steve dropped it. Since then, he had never once mentioned them.

Bucky appreciated that. It was hard enough dealing with the memories on his own. The thought of telling someone about them was terrifying.

Yet something about this time felt different. Bucky actually felt a desire to tell Steve about his nightmares. Or at least the one that had woken him up tonight.

Bucky didn’t let himself question it. He just took his newfound courage and ran with it.

“I dreamed that I was back in my cell at Hydra.” Bucky said.

“To his credit, Steve didn’t react at the surprise confession. He just held Bucky close and turned his head to show that he was listening.

“When I first woke up after I fell, I wasn’t scared. Well, I was, but I thought you would be coming for me. That was the only thing that kept me going. The thought that you would be coming for me soon and that you would get me out there.”

Steve tightened his hold on Bucky. It was so minute that if Bucky didn’t know every movement of Steve’s down to the most minute twitch, he would have missed it.

“It kept me going when Hydra cut of my arm and when I underwent the long surgery to attach the metal one in its place.

“It kept me going when Hydra left the front page of the Times in my cell. The headline article was about how you had crashed the plane into the artic.”

Bucky gave a hollow laugh. 

“They thought that would be what broke me but it wasn’t. It wasn’t until I had lost nearly all my memories that I finally broke. I had taken all my memories of you and locked them away in the back of my mind. All of my other memories were gone. I realized that it had been too long. If you were coming, you would have come by now.

“That was the moment I realized that you were never coming for me.”

Bucky fell silent for a minute. Steve still said nothing. He was just as quiet as he had been since he had reassured Bucky that he was there.

“I had nothing left to fight for. No reason to keep on fighting.”

“I gave up. The next day when they came for me, I didn’t fight. I couldn’t. I wasn’t there. My body was still alive but everything that made me who I was had been locked away with my memories.”

Steve waited, silent. When Bucky turned to look at him, he was surprised to see tears streaming down Steve’s face. He reached up and gently wiped one away. 

It seemed as if that was the signal that Steve was waiting for.

“I’m so sorry Bucky. So sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t insist that we look for you. I’m sorry I crashed that plane into the artic. I’m sorry that Hydra tortured you and brainwashed you until you felt you had no choice but to give up. I promise you though, that Hydra will never get their hands on you again. We will hunt down and kill every last Hydra member until they are all eliminated.” Steve said.

“It’s not your fault Steve. You had no way of knowing. How could you know that the things Zola injected me with the first time would allow me to survive that fall. I had no way of knowing and I was there. You had every reason to believe that I was dead.”

“Still, I should have done something.” Steve argued.

Bucky shook his head. “What could you have done Steve? You had a mission to finish. Even I knew that. It’s part of the reason why it took me so long to give up. I thought it would take you time to find me. You had a mission to finish and then you would come for me.”

Steve was quiet for a minute, processing that. Bucky wasn’t stupid. He knew that it would take more than one conversation for Steve to believe him.

“Is there anything I can do now? To help with your nightmares?” Steve asked.

“This. Just hold me.” Bucky answered. “It helps me to know that you’re here. It makes me feel safe.”

“Good. That’s how I want you to feel.” Steve answered.

He adjusted their position so that they were leaning back comfortably against the headboard. The two of them relaxed together for a few minutes.

“Steve?”

“Yeah, Buck?”

“Could we… maybe lay like we used to?” Bucky asked shyly.

Steve immediately knew what he was talking about.

“Of course we can Bucky.” He answered.

Steve shifted down the bed until he was lying flat on his back once more. His arms never once left Bucky. Bucky immediately moved so that he was half lying on top of Steve, his head resting on his chest, ear directly over Steve’s heart. The familiar, yet unfamiliar, beat of Steve’s heart soothed Bucky back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I would love to know what you thought. And as soon as I can figure out how, I'll post a link to the post that started all of this.
> 
> And in case it wasn't clear, Steve' heartbeat is unfamiliar because the last time Bucky listened to it, it was before the war when Steve had a weak heart. Listening to Steve's heartbeat was how Bucky reassured himself that Steve was still alive.
> 
> Oh yeah. Virtual cookies to those who can figure out the importance of the date and time.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that was the first chapter. Let me know what you think of it? Especially since this is my first time posting angst.


End file.
